COMPANY POLICY: EFFECTIVE JANUARY 2007
DRESS CODE:
It is advised that you come to work
according to your salary.
If we see you wearing Prada shoes and
carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you
are doing well financially and
therefore do not need a raise.
If you dress poorly, you need to learn
to manage your money better, so that
you buy nicer clothes, and therefore
you do not need a raise.
If you dress just right, you are right
where you need to be and therefore you
do not need a raise.
SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctors
statement as proof of sickness. If you
are able to go to a doctor, you are
able to come to work.
ANNUAL LEAVE DAYS:
Each employee will receive 104 Annual
Leave days a year. They are called
Saturday and Sunday.
BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
This is no excuse for missing work.
There is nothing you can do for dead
relatives, friends or co-workers.
Every effort should be made to have
non-employees attend to the
arrangements.
In rare cases where employee
involvement is necessary, the funeral
should be scheduled in the late
afternoon.
We will be glad to allow you to work
through your lunch hour and
subsequently leave one hour early.
TOILET USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent
in the toilet.
There is now a strict 3 minute time
limit in the stalls.
At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will
sound, the toilet paper roll will
retract, the stall door will open, and
a picture will be taken.
After your second offence, your
picture will be posted on the company
bulletin board under the Chronic
Offenders category.
Anyone caught smiling in the picture
will be sanctioned under the company's
mental health policy.
LUNCH BREAK:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for
lunch, as they need to eat more, so
that they can look healthy.
Normal sized people get 15 minutes for
lunch to get a balanced meal to
maintain their average figure.
Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch,
because that's all the time needed to
drink a Slim-Fast .
Thank-you for your loyalty to our
company. We are here to provide a
positive employment experience.
Therefore, all questions, comments,
concerns, complaints, frustrations,
irritations, aggravations,
insinuations, allegations,
accusations, contemplations,
consternation and input should be
directed elsewhere.
THE MANAGEMENT Comment deleted at the request of the author.  | bantay ha!!! laughter is supposed to be the best medicine -- not the cause of death!!! =) |
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